unsettled

sometimes you just don't realize when you're doing the wrong thing. sometimes you just don't imagine that far. my basement is nasty, damp, low ceilinged, with an old cistern and a new well pump. the ceiling rafters are full of weirdly white rymed spiders. lots of them. they look cold. it's over 80 degrees out today.

my son tells me of his great fear of spiders, especially the ones in the rafters. (he says they don't hold a candle to portland spiders, though.) i think i harmed the gentle psyches of my children. i apologize. the spiders, they return, no matter how many times i sweep them down. mostly i ignore them. i was mowing the lawn and thinking about actions, how hot this day is, how my mower uses gas, which in another form is spurting from the earth in the gulf. 

the california poppies are early, this spring is so weird. i come inside and think about doing some admin and i can't. i go out and do some gardening or walk around amazed. it's just that way today. unsettling. 


i just posted this, and saw this a few seconds later.